“Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.”
Stephen R Covey.
Looking back at some of my previous blogs I have talked about The Gallup Clifton Strengths and my own journey on this path, W Clement Stone (the founder of AON and father of the positive mental attitude – AND the science behind this) and in particular when it comes to dendrites and the science of habit forming.
In this blog I wanted to talk about Stephen R Covey and a fascinating book he wrote ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ which further cements the work of Stone (see my blog on this here).
Covey was born in Salt Lake City, Utah in 1932 to a family deeply rooted in the LDS Church and graduated from the University of Utah wit ha bachelors degree in Business Administration and then an MBA from Harvard Business School. Covey was heavily influenced by the work of Peter Drucker someone that I studied at the Manchester Metropolitan University when I read Marketing there between 1998-2002.
Druckers’ writings have predicted many of the major developments of the late twentieth century, including privatisation and decentralisation; the rise of Japan to economic world power; the decisive importance of marketing; and the emergence of the information society with its necessity of lifelong learning. In 1959, Drucker coined the term “knowledge worker“, and later in his life considered knowledge-worker productivity to be the next frontier of management. Indeed Covey published a further book the ‘8th Habit; from Effectiveness to Greatness’ in 2004; It is the sequel to The 7 Habits. Covey posits that effectiveness does not suffice in what he calls “The Knowledge Worker Age”. Covey says that ‘The 8th habit’ essentially urges: “Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs.” Something which I did before I knew of this sequel (see my book here, ‘Living Your Best Life at 40+ Years Old – The Five Pillars of Moderation.’) Grounded in Stone and Coveys work I take an expansive look at the physical and mental wellbeing implications of habit forming and then look at the five areas or ‘Five Pillars’ of my day to day and how I can continually ‘better’ myself, with some very interesting results!
Back to Covey and I will follow this up with one more blog about Covey looking specifically at the ‘Mission Statement’ which focuses on how I was able to ensure the positive changes/habits I have made are renewed and actioned daily.
in 2023 I attended several courses, Stephen R Coveys ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ was the one that left the biggest impression on me;
Habit 1: Be Proactive; I was aware through Coveys work that I was very reactive, with my children. One example, my son knocked a drink over at the dinner table, he reacted by shouting and blaming someone else for putting something in his way, I immediately shouted in a very reactive way rather than calmly pausing to choose a more appropriate response. A very specific example but one ‘habit’ that I am sure everyone can relate to.
Overall researching this habit made me see that behaviours perceived as negative could easily be replaced with positive; body language, tone of voice, what you say. In turn this can lead and has genuinely led to me making a positive and proactive impact within my circle of influence, subconsciously helping others being that ‘Transition Person’ who gets others in my personal, family and community to see things in a more proactive way.
Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind. The first part of the exercise here was to think of an upcoming event that really mattered to me and how I would like it to turn out. I had started pulling my notes together part way through 2023 for my first book, my example was that ‘I will publish my first book in 2024 and swim competitively again in 2025.’ Quite simple really, but with so much more weight as I already had prepared myself with the W Clement Stone work; the dendrites to create those habits and through trial and error knowing that it could be done as it had been done before. The task was then to write a mission statement but before that, I needed to understand the attributes I value most. To do this again, in a very W Clement Stone way; I visualised 4-5 people who have influenced me the most and then recorded the qualities and attributes I admired most in these people.
I listed my mother and my father and my wife and my children. Their attributes being ‘my mother; the hardest working person I had ever known,’ my father ‘gives his all and never expects anything in return.’ My wife ‘gives everything for her family, even when she has nothing left for herself.’ And my children, they are ‘their honest selves and this reminds me daily to be the same.’ You can see the culmination of this in my mission statement blog which will be the next and final blog in the series of ‘Positive Mental Attitude’ and in particular ‘habit forming.’
Habit 3: Put first things first. This is the habit of Personal Management. Putting first things first is at the heart of effective self-management (you do of course have to have some degree of self-awareness before you can even begin to approach this). It is the ability to organise your time around the most important things.
- Focus on your highest priorities.
- Eliminate the unimportant.
- Plan every week.
- Stay true in the moment of choice.
This isn’t just about what you should and what you shouldn’t eat taking the age old saying ‘everything in moderation’ to mean diet; my grandfather had this philosophy and to an extent he was on to something as for me that was about balance.
Habit 4 – Think win-win. Coveys begins in this habit to talk about having an ‘Abundance Mentality,’ and when you do have this mentality you are not threatened by others’ success because you are secure in your own self-worth. You know there will be enough ‘pie’ for everyone. To develop this Covey highlights four things;
- Stop comparing yourself to others
- Celebrate your own unique strengths and contributors
- Celebrate others’ successes
- Share compliments, praise, credit and rewards liberally.
Covey then talks about balancing courage and consideration for others (i.e demonstrating respect and not interrupting others) before considering others ‘wins’ as your own. Ultimately creating win-win agreements’ – both personal and professional.
Habit 5 – Think first to understand, then be understood. The power of empathic listening, giving that person the time and your full undivided attention (it could be a child or family member or a colleague). Focus on their point of view and give them the time and space to think; ask clarifying questions to help them explore their thoughts and feelings. Then respectfully seek to be understood yourself.
Habit 6 – Synergise. The habit of creative cooperation and in order to synergise, value differences and seek 3rd alternatives; are you willing to move off both solutions and find a better way? Explore those alternatives; what are everyone’s wins? What are the alternatives, options and wild ideas?
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw. This is concerned with ‘balanced renewal in all four dimensions of human need; body, mind, heart and spirit. As we renew ourselves in these four areas, we create growth and change in our lives.’
In terms of positive mental and physical wellbeing Covey’s work was for me, a large piece of the jigsaw puzzle to finding that balance. In case I didn’t mention it already I look at ‘Five Pillars’ of moderation in order to find that balance in my book ‘Living your best life at 40+’ not just for 40+ year olds, but from the perspective of a 40+ year old. Covey and Stone feature in there along with many other of my ‘teachers.’
Book available here.